Unleash Your Casual Side
Tips and Tricks for ONS, FWB, and More!
So, you're feeling adventurous and ready to dip your toes into the world of casual relationships. Whether you've had experience and are encountering some bumps in the road or are a newbie unsure where to begin - I'm here to help!
Casual relationships come in all shapes and sizes - from the infamous friends with benefits (FWB) to spontaneous one-night stands (ONS) and everything in between. Each flavor of casual companionship requires its own unique blend of reflection, awareness, boundaries, and preparation. It's like preparing a gourmet meal; you need the right ingredients and a truckload of honesty for your endeavour to be successful. Success in this context is fulfilling, rewarding, and pleasurable, and neither you nor other parties get hurt. Or the chance of you getting hurt is minimized.
Now, in addition to the foundational work required, there a few rules apply no matter which flavor of casual you're craving: setting and sticking to boundaries, honesty and enthusiastic consent. Picture them as essential seasonings in your culinary masterpiece.
But how do you get ready for the casual rendezvous of your dreams?
Let's break it down:
For One Night Stands or Hookups:
If you're tempted by the allure of a one-night fling or a spontaneous hookup, here are a few tips to ensure your adventure goes off without a hitch:
Pack the essentials (or have them at home so you are ready to host): Condoms and lube are your best friends here. Don't leave home without them! And hey, size matters – make sure you've got options to suit every need. Condoms are a no-brainer, but why lube? Lube makes all the difference in ensuring a condom doesn't dry out or break AND increases the pleasure for both of you. Let's face it, there typically isn't a lot of slow, love-making during a hookup, so do yourself and them a favour by picking up a good lube. You don't need to spend a lot, but ordering ahead helps to keep the cost low AND get a good quality lube. Some of my faves are listed below (If you have a favourite, share it in the comments)
Choose your location: Decide where you want the magic to happen – your place or theirs? Regardless of who hosts, ensure it's a comfortable setting. Do not assume you'll wind up at their home (in this economy, more and more people have roommates). Clean up before you head out for the night because nothing kills the mood like dirty laundry (or food 🤢) on the floor.
Hospitality matters: If your guest stays the night, a little hospitality goes a long way. Coffee, tea, and maybe even a fresh toothbrush can make the morning-after more pleasant for everyone involved.
Safety first: Always let a friend know where you'll be and who you'll be with (name, address, and phone number). It's not paranoia; it's just good sense.
Consent is non-negotiable: If it's not an enthusiastic "yes," it's a hard pass. Anyone can withdraw consent at ANY time.
Show some post-hookup kindness: Ensure your partner gets home safely, and if you find yourself unexpectedly smitten, be upfront about it.
Don't forget it was a hook-up: It's easy to get caught up in the moment and enjoy their company. However, that doesn't mean they are looking for more. Tell them if you think it went well and you'd be interested in a repeat. Leave it at that and reach out when you're up for a fun night (or day) again.
For Friends with Benefits, No Strings Attached, or Casual Dating:
Navigating the waters of FWB or casual dating? All of the above still applies, but here's a little roadmap to help you find your way:
Define your terms: What does "friendship" mean in this context? Are you down for movie nights and deep conversations, or just a quick roll in the hay? Clarify your expectations upfront to avoid misunderstandings down the road.
Boundaries: Your casual must-have: Set them, stick to them, and respect them. No one likes a boundary-breaker. What are some examples of boundaries?
no sleeping over
no cuddling
no meeting friends or family
no texting all-day
no PDA
These are a few examples meant to get you started. It's important to remember that these will be different for everyone, so prioritize setting these early in your relationship.
Communication is key: Don't leave your partner hanging or guessing – keep the lines of communication open. Of course, this applies to the previous items, but also if your feelings for them change. The more time you spend with someone, the greater the chance of developing feelings for them. Be honest with yourself and them if you become interested in more.
Learn from past mistakes: We've all been there – unclear boundaries and hurt feelings. Take those lessons to heart and strive to do better next time.
Stay connected: Unlike one-night stands, FWB arrangements often call for more engagement. Check in with your buddy regularly and ensure everyone's on the same page. So, keep in touch - but don't go full-on stalker mode, okay?
And there you have it – a crash course in the art of the different types of casual relationships. So go forth, dear reader, and may your adventures be as thrilling as they are fulfilling!
Do you have any tips or suggestions you would add from your own experiences? Comment below!
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